While searching for something to watch after all of my favorite winter finales concluded, I came across a six-part documentary on MTV called "Generation Cryo." This series follows one teenage girl, Bree, in her quest to find her sperm donor. In the process, she meets and forms relationships with more than a dozen half-siblings conceived with the same donor sperm.
I often wonder what my daughter (now four) and the multitude of other kids being raised in very open adoptions will say about their experiences when they are old enough to express themselves. If parents who used donor sperm wondered this same thing 20 years ago, many of their questions are answered by the teens and young adults in "Generation Cryo." The 12+ offspring of this particular donor express a range of emotions and opinions related to being conceived with donor sperm, and many of these issues are faced by those in the adoption community. There's a donor triad just like there's an adoption triad, and we each have different experiences, expectations, fears, anxieties, and so forth. As an adoptive parent in a very open adoption, I found this show incredibly interesting.
While a few of the kids were very eager to find the donor and learn more about him, other cringed at the idea -- it clearly made them very uncomfortable. Some kids seemed to have animosity toward the donor, as if he had done something to hurt them. Others seemed interested in learning more, but they were clearly worried that their curiosity would hurt their parents, particularly their fathers.
The reactions among the adults varied as well. One father was openly against his kids finding out about the donor, saying that it was a slap in his face - an outright betrayal - and something he never wanted to happen. He didn't want the donor in their lives, and he wasn't even thrilled with the idea of the half siblings coming into their lives. He said that wasn't his idea of "family." From his perspective, this issue was about HIM, and not about his kids. He said many times that he was not open to "sharing" his kids.
It was really interesting watching the relationships between the half siblings develop. Some of them had such instant and strong connections ... the shared DNA could not be denied. They were all incredibly supportive of one another, even if they had different opinions about whether they should pursue a relationship with the donor.
Recently, I've had conversations with a few adoptive parents or people close to adoption, and they have all downplayed the importance of biology. Just like one of the fathers in "Generation Cryo," these people believe that biology is meaningless and not something we should concern ourselves with. (None of them are adoptees, but they all told me they know adoptees who feel this way. Hmm.) Yet as my daughter gets older, I see how much her DNA makes her who she is. As close as we are with her first family, I know she's not picking up their personalities because we spend time with them. Her disposition, her attitude, her likes and dislikes, her sense of humor, her way of dealing with the ups and downs of life ... for the most part, these things were programmed inside of her before she was even born. I don't think I would have realized this if I hadn't gotten to know her birth family so well. If I knew them only casually, I don't think I would have picked up on the nuances in the ways my daughter is so much like her first parents. I absolutely think that our environment plays a role in who we become, but there's no way I can deny that DNA is some strong stuff.
As "generation cryo" comes of age, I hope these kids seek out people in the adoption community who have been saying for years that it is okay to be curious about your biology and to want to know more. It's okay to crave a connection with people who share your biology - it's a natural urge. It's not a betrayal of the parents who raised you to seek a connection with those who gave you life.
I think anyone involved in adoption would get a lot out of "Generation Cryo." It certainly resonated with me.
