Sister Moms

I haven't been motivated to write for a while. Our open adoption has become so "normal" to me that I feel less and less motivated to write about it. I'm still an avid reader of open adoption blogs, and they keep me thinking and exploring and (hopefully) preparing me to deal with issues that may arise as Lily gets older.

We recently got together to celebrate Lily's paternal grandmother's birthday, and after the meal, Lily, Fiona, and I walked with Fiona to her place of employment. (Her shift was starting shortly.) We walked down the street, the three of us hand in hand, Lily in the middle, talking about things going on in our lives. When we walked into the place where Fiona works, people smiled and said hello. Many of them know who we are. Lily and I hugged Fiona good-bye and then continued with our plans of the day.

On that day, it hit me again how close Fiona and I have become over the last few years. It feels like we're soul sisters, kindred spirits ... we call each other "sister moms." And when we walk hand in hand with Lily, the best word I can use to describe how I feel is "complete" -- three pieces of a puzzle joined together.

Rebecca Hawkes (one of my favorite bloggers) recently wrote about the fact that ultimately, her daughter will be the one who decides whether Rebecca (her adoptive mother) "hit the mark" in terms of the way in which she handled her open adoption. Rebecca also has a very close relationship with her daughter's first mother. I also read a recent post by Amber, another one of my favorites, who also is very close with her son's first mother. Amber wrote about how an adoption agency told them to "tone down" how open her open adoption is when she and her son's first mother spoke to prospective adoptive parents. I'm fairly certain our adoption agency will never ask me and/or Fiona to speak to anyone (as we'd give them a terrible review), but no doubt we'd be asked to do the same thing if we were invited to speak. I could hear them telling us, "Don't mention that Fiona lived with you guys for a couple of months."

So today I'm writing as yet another voice in the "very open adoption movement" who also believes that Lily has the final say in how this relationship between me and Fiona affects her, and that I will not "tone down" our closeness to make anyone else feel more comfortable. Because my closeness with Fiona and Nate and both of their extended families makes many people feel uncomfortable. And after four plus years, I'm finally starting not to care. That's their problem, not mine.