After we adopted Lily, several adults I had known for a while -- more acquaintances than friends -- told me that they had been adopted. All of them were born during the era of closed adoptions, and only one of them (at the urging of his wife) had searched for and found his birthparents. One of these adults was a man in his late 20s who, in a discussion about our open adoption, told me that the hardest thing for him as an adoptee was never having seen anyone who looks like him. He had reservations about searching for his first family, and I got the sense that he felt it would hurt his a-parents if he did so. But I was very struck by his comment. It's not something that I hadn't read about before, but hearing it come from someone sitting right next to me -- seeing the sadness in his eyes when he said it -- it meant more than anything I could ever read.
Ferb has two crooked fingers -- both pinkies. I noticed it when he was little, and we always talk about it as an interesting physical feature of his. The last time my in-laws were here, Ferb discovered that G's mother has the same two crooked pinkies. Ferb thought that was really neat.
The first winter after Lily was born, I learned that she has a very large head. After buying several hats that were too small, I found that at six months old she needed a size 3T hat. Bicycle helmets have been a big hassle lately because they're all too small for her.
Today I got a Facebook friend request from Lily's biological great-grandmother. I was thrilled. I've become very close friends with Fiona's mom Ivy, and this is HER mom. I would like to get to know more of the extended family on Fiona's side, but that's been a bit complicated. In any case, I was very happy to get the friend request.
After accepting, I went to her page and found a picture of HER parents, who are Lily's great-great grandparents. It's an AMAZING picture of her great-great grandfather receiving an award. I started reading through the many comments posted under the picture, and then came across one that really made me smile. Apparently, Lily's great-great grandfather had to have special hats made for him because his head was so large. Apparently, very large heads run in the family.
I'm so excited to have access to this picture and I can't wait until Lily is old enough to understand who it is. And now I'll be able to tell her where her large head comes from. I know that Ferb will remember that his crooked fingers come from his maternal grandmother, but I'm not sure he'll remember how excited he felt when he made the discovery. That's because when you're not adopted, you take for granted the fact that you know where your freckles or your thin nose or your round eyes come from. I have a picture of Lily with Fiona and Nate framed on her wall, and we often look at it together and I talk about the features she gets from each of them. I know it's not the same, but I hope in some way our open adoption will enable Lily to take for granted that she knows where her big head comes from. That would make me very happy.
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