I started this blog as a way to connect to the open adoption community - a supportive community I couldn't find in my face-to-face life. But today I'm using my blog for another purpose, to try to work through and process my feelings and better understand myself.
Infertility is one of those painful experiences that you can actually grow to be grateful for. If it weren't for our infertility, we'd have two other kids who would now be around 10 and 8. There would be no Ferb. There would still be a Lily, but she wouldn't be our daughter. We wouldn't even know she existed. As trying as it was to build our family - and there were some very dark days for me - I would do it all over again if I had to. I wouldn't trade anything for Ferb and Lily. They are my life, and I just can't imagine living without them. Thank God we were infertile.
There are so many things worse than not being able to get pregnant. Too many to name. I've felt a lot of guilt for the sadness I've felt for myself knowing that there are so many people out there dealing with problems much worse them mine. I could never quite accept why it was so hard for me to accept that G and I couldn't have a baby naturally.
The Fertilityland experts write about how infertility is always a part of you, no matter how many children you go on to parent. Sometimes you think the pain has gone away and then something happens and it rears its ugly head and stares your down until you're in tears. I guess that's happening to me right now. A family member recently announced her pregnancy (one of those "we look and each other and I'm pregnant!"), and I'm feeling sad and bitter for no good reason. And when I say "no good reason," I really do mean it. I'm trying my best to snap out of it.
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