Regrets

First, for the good news. Even though I haven't been blogging for very long, I decided to participate in the Adoption Bloggers Interview Project organized by Production Not Reproduction. And I've been randomly paired with an amazing blogger whose blog I've been reading for a while. I was catching up on her blog last night and came across a post she wrote about regret. She writes about how regret can be healthy if we use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. I couldn't agree more and it got me thinking about my regrets related to Lily's adoption. Here they are:

1. I regret that I wasn't more educated about open adoption and transracial adoption before I was in an open, transracial adoption.

2. I regret that I wasn't a better friend to Fiona when she reached out to me early on.

3. I regret that I let our adoption agency bully me into thinking I was powerless over certain issues that bothered me.

4. At the beginning of our adoption, I regret that I let my inner voice be drowned out by all the outside voices telling me what I should and shouldn't do.

I could explain the reasons I did each of these things at the time, but that's kind of irrelevant now. I have worked to right these wrongs over the last 2+ years. Some are a work in progress. And while I think it's absolutely healthy to have regrets -- I don't understand people who make obvious mistakes but proudly announce "no regrets" -- I also am a firm believer in forgiveness, both of ourselves and others. I learned a while back that self-destructive behavior doesn't right past wrongs. In fact, it just keeps them going. Self-reflection is important, and forgiveness is the best gift we can give to ourselves.